Tuesday, September 20, 2016
a glorious day.
it was a glorious day. with pink clouds.once there was a lady called beauty she had brown beautiful hair. she had a beautiful white lovely dress with it and a rose in beauty's hair. she had lot's and lot's of bracelets on her arm. and she had sparkly high heels.
she took off her high heels and started to run away from her husband and her dress was getting dirty.
she got tramped and she called crocodile!!!!! and she called help help help. after that beauty said crocodile!!!!!.
The husband helped her get out and finally they got married.
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You made a great start Hope, lots of detail about the character.
ReplyDeleteThen this "she took off her high heels and started to run away from her husband and her dress was getting dirty.". What? Where did this come from?
You haven't introduced the husband or said that she was getting married. Then, why is she calling crocodile? Is she in the water?
I feel confused.
You need to explain your ideas in more detail so it makes sense to the person reading it. You have done this before so I know you can do it! If you want, I can help you with this tomorrow.
HI hope,t I love your paragraph and I love your idea to do your work.
ReplyDelete